reset my life

I’m going to the ocean tomorrow to have a ceremony where I let go of my emotional clutter. I open space in my heart to treasure my current life and the people in it, and to welcome new adventures and new people. 

I’m doing it at the ocean because WATER. It washes things away – takes them within itself and transforms them into new things, sending the new mix back as waves to the shore, some calm, some crashing in dramatically. I welcome those waves of emotions into my clear heart, they will no longer be stuck in the mess there, they’ll flow back out easily. 

I carried a painful story in my heart for decades. One time, I wrote it out, as much as I could remember. I was worried someone would read the story but I didn’t want to shred the paper, so I soaked it in water and made it into a ball. I kept that ball near for a long time. Until one day, I was ready to let go, and when I let go of that ball, I felt all the shame and humiliation go too. The story is gone from my heart. My head still knows the story, but it no longer haunts me. 

I started to do this with my other difficult stories. The more I let go, the easier it got.

Tomorrow, at the water ceremony, I am letting go of the past and of expectations for the future. It marks the end of a transformation I began a few years ago, and the beginning of the period of my life when I embrace the joy of the present, with mindfulness and clarity. I have intentions for how I live each day. I reset my life and every day is now a celebration. 

Here are the things I’m leaving at the ocean:

  • expectations and fears of the future
  • judgments and assumptions about others
  • need for others’ approval
  • shame
  • bitterness about past injustices
  • petty irritations
  • roles I’ve played: victim, overachiever, failure, cry baby, thief, damaged goods, helpless
  • relationships that are done
  • guilt… knowing that I work to make amends for choices I made that hurt other people

I release the emotions, knowing waves will bring them back at times, but I will no longer keep them within me, I’ll notice them and let them flow back out.

For the roles I’ve played, I will hug each version of me that I’m saying good-bye to. I’ll tell her I love her, and let her be free to swim forever in the water she loves.

I will apologize to people from past relationships and wish them well. I will thank them for being what I needed at the time. 

I see myself as whole and healed, open and grateful for this magical life. Love to all.